Someone emailed me the sales listing for the first house Travis designed. He designed it specifically for me and we lived in it for 4 years. (We sold it years ago.) As I looked at the 30 pictures on the site, I was surprised by the multitude of mixed emotions running through me all at once. Not that I'm attached to the house, per se. I have no desire to move back there. But all these memories came flooding back. Little video clips of all the different people who either lived with us or lived life with us (or both) during that period of time.
Celeste (foster child) took her very first steps in the living room of that house while I knelt with open arms to swoop her up when she toddled. She would also stand holding on to the couch and try to do a dance we called "the diaper wag." She said her first words (calling me Mama) in her bedroom with that cute crib and her contagious grin. Ah, she came so far and we were honored to see such improvement while she stayed with us. Even though she's long forgotten us, we still remember her. 6 different kids learned to ride a bike down our hill. I can hear their trepidation and laughter still. "B" told part of her story for the first time in my driveway. "A" felt safe enough to finally tell someone what really happened to him. I can remember the relief on his face. Adrianne completely stole our hearts in a matter of days. I miss her so much! Bee Bee and TiTi finally had a family (us) say they would take them for respite a second time. And I loved "N" as if he were my own. The list could go on and on. What a privilege to have these experiences!
That's just the kids we had short term. Oh the memories of our biological children as well! We had invented games, like Avalanche Forest, and special hideouts and play forts within our 6 trails that we (I mean Trav) hand macheted. We first home schooled in that house, raised chickens, read together, played together, achieved so many milestones and experienced so many things that solidified us as a family unit and gave us enough resolve for the coming days.
Not all memories were easy. We had a lot of sickness and more loss in that house. But now that we have a half decade of distance from it, it's much easier to see how we grew and were pruned during that time. I'm not completely over it, nor do I have complete understanding, but it's much better on this side!!!
So thank you, current owners of our Caroline house, for putting so many pictures on your web site. Thank you to a great friend who sent the link to me. Thank you, all my kids, for letting me be your mom! Thank you so much to Trav, for loving me for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health!!!!!!! Our vows have been tested and found to be tried and true!
Forever thankful!!!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Ingenuity saves the day....or I mean night.
Every marriage has their share of frivolous problems. Not deal breakers or anything important, just minor irritants that grate along the way. We've had 2 related "problems" since moving back to VA. The first: we gave away our queen sized bed frame/unit before leaving AL. We weren't sure where we were going or what would fit in the moving van, so we erred on the generous side and gave a bunch away. We kept our queen top mattress and have been sleeping on the floor since end of last July. Minor irritant #1: wifey doesn't like to sleep on the floor, and does she like the 'freshly moved' look. Nor is it good to sleep on the floor when you suffer a knee injury from biking (me), a car wreck that hurts your back/neck (still me) or when you're weak from a SIX WEEK recovery period from pneumonia/blood infection (hubby).
Finally, in January, we found a nice king size bed frame at a consignment store. It's nice looking, yet manly enough and we scheduled a time to pick it up. We couldn't afford a king mattress now, but we were at least moving in the right direction, right? Well, we went to pick it up and they said, "Oh Yeah, the mattress conveys." Yippee!! I thought this was an answer to my prayers until I laid down on it. I've slept on rocks that are softer. My hubby was in heaven! He said the seemingly brick lined mattress helped his back and gave him better sleep than he's had in years. So now, he slept on the king bed and I was still on the queen mattress on the floor. This went on for 4 months! Minor irritant #2: We both hate having 2 beds in our room, but we hate being tired even more.
So last Friday night, while we were discussing what to do about our 9 month long mattress conundrum and our lack of extra money to fix it, I half jokingly said, "It's too bad you can't cut my squishy queen bed and your rock solid king and make one king size mattress with two equal parts."
...............5 seconds of silence...........
His eyes got "that look" and I knew I had struck gold. The next day, my hubby spent about 8 hours hand cutting our mattresses and fitting them back together with a custom industrial sewing job. This took a lot of precision and patience, but the end result was 2 equal sized mattresses on one frame. And it simultaneously fixed Minor Irritant #3: I'm a bed hog. Hubby swears I take 75% of any shared bed. Now there is a definite line where my side ends.
So, after months on end, last night we both finally got to sleep in a comfortable bed together!! It was the best night of sleep we've had since moving here! Yay for ingenuity saving our backs and our wallets. Now we're taking suggestions about how to BEST USE for all the leftover parts. We've had many good suggestions~~ like moon shoes, rocket launchers and the like. I'm sure there will be a "post mattress" post sometime this summer. We tend to get really creative when the kids are out of school.
Or perhaps we'll incorporate it somehow into Punkin Chunkin' 2012?
Time will tell. Blessings!
Picture 1: Travis enjoying the fruits of his labor after a Sunday hike!
Picture 2: some of the extra parts!
Finally, in January, we found a nice king size bed frame at a consignment store. It's nice looking, yet manly enough and we scheduled a time to pick it up. We couldn't afford a king mattress now, but we were at least moving in the right direction, right? Well, we went to pick it up and they said, "Oh Yeah, the mattress conveys." Yippee!! I thought this was an answer to my prayers until I laid down on it. I've slept on rocks that are softer. My hubby was in heaven! He said the seemingly brick lined mattress helped his back and gave him better sleep than he's had in years. So now, he slept on the king bed and I was still on the queen mattress on the floor. This went on for 4 months! Minor irritant #2: We both hate having 2 beds in our room, but we hate being tired even more.
So last Friday night, while we were discussing what to do about our 9 month long mattress conundrum and our lack of extra money to fix it, I half jokingly said, "It's too bad you can't cut my squishy queen bed and your rock solid king and make one king size mattress with two equal parts."
...............5 seconds of silence...........
His eyes got "that look" and I knew I had struck gold. The next day, my hubby spent about 8 hours hand cutting our mattresses and fitting them back together with a custom industrial sewing job. This took a lot of precision and patience, but the end result was 2 equal sized mattresses on one frame. And it simultaneously fixed Minor Irritant #3: I'm a bed hog. Hubby swears I take 75% of any shared bed. Now there is a definite line where my side ends.
So, after months on end, last night we both finally got to sleep in a comfortable bed together!! It was the best night of sleep we've had since moving here! Yay for ingenuity saving our backs and our wallets. Now we're taking suggestions about how to BEST USE for all the leftover parts. We've had many good suggestions~~ like moon shoes, rocket launchers and the like. I'm sure there will be a "post mattress" post sometime this summer. We tend to get really creative when the kids are out of school.
Or perhaps we'll incorporate it somehow into Punkin Chunkin' 2012?
Time will tell. Blessings!
Picture 1: Travis enjoying the fruits of his labor after a Sunday hike!
Picture 2: some of the extra parts!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Come on in! (but watch your step!)
hos·pi·tal·i·ty
noun.
1. the friendly reception and treatment of guests or strangers.
This was a rough morning. On Easter morning, when it seems most people don their new outfits and perfect hair, anticipating their Norman Rockwell family gatherings, our clan was struggling just to be vertical. I didn't brush my hair before our church service (headbands are awesome), my son wore camo shorts with a mismatched top, my daughter in jeans that she pawed through the dryer to get, and my husband was in shorts. Nope. No new outfits or decorated houses on this end. And things got progressively worse as the morning drew on. Church was a challenge for us today and we pretty much limped home. (Disclaimer: We love Jesus and his resurrection, so no problems there). The state of our house pretty reflected the mood of the day. None of us bothered to clean up after our light lunch, the kids haven't done their weekend chores yet, and 4 loads of laundry that had been folded, but not put away.....all stacked in the middle of our living room floor. Instead of pushing through, Travis and I decided to throw in the towel and just go lie down.
Glory day! Don't you wanna hang out with us?? So upstairs: Travis and Emily are reading, and I'm trying to sleep and my son is lying beside me talking. Knock, knock, knock. I told my son to go get the door, thinking it may be a child he can play with outside. He yells back up, "It's some guy I don't know." So Travis and I went to answer the door. There stands a spiffed up young man in a suit and tie. He says to my husband, "Mr. L****, Sorry I didn't catch you at church, so I found out where you lived and decided to stop by. Can we talk?"
Ack!
For a brief moment, I was embarrassed and had thoughts of hiding. But after that split second, the truth of this reality sunk in: He's just a person, a fellow sojourner in this life, standing at my door, asking for some time and help. I invited the young man in. My hubby seamlessly stalled a tad by chatting in the foyer while I took 15 seconds and piled the laundry in a corner. (Hmmmm, we seem practiced at this maneuver. Wonder why?) Then we sat down in our living room in the midst of our chaos and gave him our undivided attention. When it became apparent that he only needed to talk to my hubby, I politely excused myself and came back up to lie back down.
This isn't big news, but it reminded me at least one area where I'm improving. 10 years ago the above scenario would have bothered me. I may have asked him to come back at a better time, or tried to speed clean throughout the visit to bolster appearances. But now I more quickly see the real truth: appearances aren't what matters~~ the heart is. By the time he finished talking, this young man walked away from our house smiling and encouraged. Not because he was in a perfect looking house, or because he caught us on a good day. He walked away encouraged because he was welcomed in (friendly reception)and loved to the best of our ability (treatment of strangers) for the time he was here.
So I guess that's my nugget of the day: Hospitality is not complicated. Yes, we live in an appearance oriented culture, but we don't have to have it all together to show love to a stranger. All of us can smile, invite someone in, be attentive to their needs and give an encouraging word. ~No matter if we're having a hard day, or surrounded by a bit of clutter. We all have gifts, talents, and love to share. Thankfully, this is not an isolated occurrence. The more we practice our open door policy, the more people seem to just show up. And we wouldn't trade it! We like it this way.
Now we're off to visit another family who invited us to their house for this holiday. It'll be nice to be on the receiving end of hospitality today too.
Blessings to you all this Resurrection Sunday!
noun.
1. the friendly reception and treatment of guests or strangers.
This was a rough morning. On Easter morning, when it seems most people don their new outfits and perfect hair, anticipating their Norman Rockwell family gatherings, our clan was struggling just to be vertical. I didn't brush my hair before our church service (headbands are awesome), my son wore camo shorts with a mismatched top, my daughter in jeans that she pawed through the dryer to get, and my husband was in shorts. Nope. No new outfits or decorated houses on this end. And things got progressively worse as the morning drew on. Church was a challenge for us today and we pretty much limped home. (Disclaimer: We love Jesus and his resurrection, so no problems there). The state of our house pretty reflected the mood of the day. None of us bothered to clean up after our light lunch, the kids haven't done their weekend chores yet, and 4 loads of laundry that had been folded, but not put away.....all stacked in the middle of our living room floor. Instead of pushing through, Travis and I decided to throw in the towel and just go lie down.
Glory day! Don't you wanna hang out with us?? So upstairs: Travis and Emily are reading, and I'm trying to sleep and my son is lying beside me talking. Knock, knock, knock. I told my son to go get the door, thinking it may be a child he can play with outside. He yells back up, "It's some guy I don't know." So Travis and I went to answer the door. There stands a spiffed up young man in a suit and tie. He says to my husband, "Mr. L****, Sorry I didn't catch you at church, so I found out where you lived and decided to stop by. Can we talk?"
Ack!
For a brief moment, I was embarrassed and had thoughts of hiding. But after that split second, the truth of this reality sunk in: He's just a person, a fellow sojourner in this life, standing at my door, asking for some time and help. I invited the young man in. My hubby seamlessly stalled a tad by chatting in the foyer while I took 15 seconds and piled the laundry in a corner. (Hmmmm, we seem practiced at this maneuver. Wonder why?) Then we sat down in our living room in the midst of our chaos and gave him our undivided attention. When it became apparent that he only needed to talk to my hubby, I politely excused myself and came back up to lie back down.
This isn't big news, but it reminded me at least one area where I'm improving. 10 years ago the above scenario would have bothered me. I may have asked him to come back at a better time, or tried to speed clean throughout the visit to bolster appearances. But now I more quickly see the real truth: appearances aren't what matters~~ the heart is. By the time he finished talking, this young man walked away from our house smiling and encouraged. Not because he was in a perfect looking house, or because he caught us on a good day. He walked away encouraged because he was welcomed in (friendly reception)and loved to the best of our ability (treatment of strangers) for the time he was here.
So I guess that's my nugget of the day: Hospitality is not complicated. Yes, we live in an appearance oriented culture, but we don't have to have it all together to show love to a stranger. All of us can smile, invite someone in, be attentive to their needs and give an encouraging word. ~No matter if we're having a hard day, or surrounded by a bit of clutter. We all have gifts, talents, and love to share. Thankfully, this is not an isolated occurrence. The more we practice our open door policy, the more people seem to just show up. And we wouldn't trade it! We like it this way.
Now we're off to visit another family who invited us to their house for this holiday. It'll be nice to be on the receiving end of hospitality today too.
Blessings to you all this Resurrection Sunday!
Monday, April 2, 2012
Virginia ERs: the 2012 tours have begun. :-/
I'm writing today to update everyone (It's been a while! So, Hi!) and give a PSA about a new medical deception out there.
But first things first. We've had a pretty quiet first quarter of 2012. Everyone has been relatively healthy, all the jobs are steady, kids are enjoying school, the weather has been great, our friends are wonderful, etc etc. We were having a great Sunday yesterday. A few families came over to do lunch and let the kiddos play. In the evening, my son was playing with some boys in our unfinished basement. Na was doing amateur kung fu when he decided to punch the insulation. It's fluffy, right? Well, he quickly found out there's a concrete wall behind the soft stuff and broke his hand. Nice. So sent Emily home with the other family and packed up to visit our friends at Lee's Hill ER.
We arrived to a packed parking lot, so we went in and asked their wait time. 2hrs. Yikes! So we called Spotsy Reg. up the hill. They told us on the phone and had a sign outside their ER that said "28 minute wait time." So we signed in and broke out the UNO cards. 2 hrs. later, they brought us back, just to register us. Travis was kinda snarky about it being 2 hours and us not having a room or being seen or X-rays or anything with the "28 minute" estimate. The receptionist lady piped up and said, "Oh that? That's intentionally misleading just to get people here. The 28 minutes is our best guess at how long it will take you to be seen once we get you assigned to a bed." Then she proceeded to tell us that after we registered, we'd be back in the waiting room.
We decided at that point to just go home, get some sleep, and try again in the morning. We used our own moldable plastic (my hubby's a designer) and made a personalized splint, wrapped his hand, and Na was sound asleep before I got home with our daughter. We did go to Prime Care, see a doc and get X-rays confirming the break today. We're off to see a specialist this afternoon. So if you pray, please pray for my little guy. And if you find yourself in need of an ER, remember the "wait time" signs are intentionally misleading and find out what the estimated REAL wait time is. (There's my PSA!)
More later after we see the specialist.
#neveradullmoment
But first things first. We've had a pretty quiet first quarter of 2012. Everyone has been relatively healthy, all the jobs are steady, kids are enjoying school, the weather has been great, our friends are wonderful, etc etc. We were having a great Sunday yesterday. A few families came over to do lunch and let the kiddos play. In the evening, my son was playing with some boys in our unfinished basement. Na was doing amateur kung fu when he decided to punch the insulation. It's fluffy, right? Well, he quickly found out there's a concrete wall behind the soft stuff and broke his hand. Nice. So sent Emily home with the other family and packed up to visit our friends at Lee's Hill ER.
We arrived to a packed parking lot, so we went in and asked their wait time. 2hrs. Yikes! So we called Spotsy Reg. up the hill. They told us on the phone and had a sign outside their ER that said "28 minute wait time." So we signed in and broke out the UNO cards. 2 hrs. later, they brought us back, just to register us. Travis was kinda snarky about it being 2 hours and us not having a room or being seen or X-rays or anything with the "28 minute" estimate. The receptionist lady piped up and said, "Oh that? That's intentionally misleading just to get people here. The 28 minutes is our best guess at how long it will take you to be seen once we get you assigned to a bed." Then she proceeded to tell us that after we registered, we'd be back in the waiting room.
We decided at that point to just go home, get some sleep, and try again in the morning. We used our own moldable plastic (my hubby's a designer) and made a personalized splint, wrapped his hand, and Na was sound asleep before I got home with our daughter. We did go to Prime Care, see a doc and get X-rays confirming the break today. We're off to see a specialist this afternoon. So if you pray, please pray for my little guy. And if you find yourself in need of an ER, remember the "wait time" signs are intentionally misleading and find out what the estimated REAL wait time is. (There's my PSA!)
More later after we see the specialist.
#neveradullmoment
Sunday, March 4, 2012
The Sun Must Set To Rise a New Day. :)
New Beginning. The old is gone. The new has come. Fresh start! It's what I've hoped for, for a long time. It's what I thought I would have when I moved to Auburn, AL, but alas, no dice. It was a wonderful time, Yes!! ~a time of growth, and a time of accomplishment for all of us. It was a 2 year morph in the way we think, totally changing our patterns and definitions of what is acceptable. It wasn't our new beginning, but our wake up call to see some things clearly for the first time. In many ways it was a teaser ~ a hiatus as we healed and prepared to unknowingly step back into the VA fray. The sabbatical ended when we moved back here. Anyone who read my "Merry Christmas part 1" blog post can see a tiny sliver of how we moved back to more of the same old same old with one exception: I see things differently now. So when the new year came up, I thought, "Whew! Glad that's over. FINALLY, it's time to start afresh, right?"
January just held more of the same. The two milestone times for change (moving and new year) came and went in a trudging fashion. We had a fun time ringing in the new year with friends but once again I felt no change nor start of anything different. Just when I thought it wasn't going to happen, I felt the change. Around mid January there was a shift in my life. I can't describe it well, but it's a spiritual shift that can only be experienced, not properly explained. I started getting a sense that an era was finally ending. And I mean ending-ending. Not only was God ending a chapter of my life, but an entire book!! YAY! A new book means I don't have to continue the old story line any more. Not even a sequel! He's setting us up for something completely new. I began letting go, closing things down, and moving on. Thank you, God!
Moving on to what? I'm not sure yet. I don't have a sense at the moment that we'll be physically moving anytime soon, (but let's be honest, that's always a wild card in our lives). Instead, I sense that the second half of January, all of February and who-knows-how-much-longer will finish this "ending cycle", freeing us up to walk into something new here very soon. Partially, we already have started to walk into some new things, but more on that as it develops. And I'm anticipating more and more to come. I'll hopefully keep you posted.
I went to church today and the entire service was dedicated to this exact same thing. The time is now. New starts. Shifting directions. Closing of one era to usher in a new one. Milestones. Markers in the sand. "From this day forth!" type stuff. They said this service was for me and I believe it. I wondered when to publish this post. ***I wanted to have a more sure explanation of the "new" before posting, but after the service today confirmed what I've been feeling/experiencing for months, I figured it's time to push "post." Hopefully this is an encouragement to some of you out there. I love that some have walked with us on this crazy path. Although we've lost some loved ones along the way, It is our hope that many of you will continue with us and others will be added. The best is yet to come! Thanks for being a part (in whatever way) of our community. It really does take a village. Glad you're a part of mine!
January just held more of the same. The two milestone times for change (moving and new year) came and went in a trudging fashion. We had a fun time ringing in the new year with friends but once again I felt no change nor start of anything different. Just when I thought it wasn't going to happen, I felt the change. Around mid January there was a shift in my life. I can't describe it well, but it's a spiritual shift that can only be experienced, not properly explained. I started getting a sense that an era was finally ending. And I mean ending-ending. Not only was God ending a chapter of my life, but an entire book!! YAY! A new book means I don't have to continue the old story line any more. Not even a sequel! He's setting us up for something completely new. I began letting go, closing things down, and moving on. Thank you, God!
Moving on to what? I'm not sure yet. I don't have a sense at the moment that we'll be physically moving anytime soon, (but let's be honest, that's always a wild card in our lives). Instead, I sense that the second half of January, all of February and who-knows-how-much-longer will finish this "ending cycle", freeing us up to walk into something new here very soon. Partially, we already have started to walk into some new things, but more on that as it develops. And I'm anticipating more and more to come. I'll hopefully keep you posted.
I went to church today and the entire service was dedicated to this exact same thing. The time is now. New starts. Shifting directions. Closing of one era to usher in a new one. Milestones. Markers in the sand. "From this day forth!" type stuff. They said this service was for me and I believe it. I wondered when to publish this post. ***I wanted to have a more sure explanation of the "new" before posting, but after the service today confirmed what I've been feeling/experiencing for months, I figured it's time to push "post." Hopefully this is an encouragement to some of you out there. I love that some have walked with us on this crazy path. Although we've lost some loved ones along the way, It is our hope that many of you will continue with us and others will be added. The best is yet to come! Thanks for being a part (in whatever way) of our community. It really does take a village. Glad you're a part of mine!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Why we DO NOT recommend P143!
New information recently came to light. Now that we have had a bit of time to recover from the blow of the discovered information, dear followers of our journey, I feel the need to set some things straight.
First thing is, Travis and I hate lying. In any form. We even have a 100% honesty policy with each other and especially with our kids. This includes no Santa, no Tooth Fairy, and many many other more important matters. Of course, there are times when we've had to say, "I can't answer that right now, but I will when you're older." Both our kids have now had some "when you're older" talks and they know we were telling the truth then, too. I'm not perfect, but I try really hard to be as honest as I can, as much as I can.
So with that being said, I also REALLY hate it when people give me false information and I unknowingly pass it along. For some of you friends/readers, you've been on the receiving end of that for the past few months. Please let me explain: When we looked into hosting, we chose and organization that claimed they only hosted orphans. We signed up to to host over winter break to bless an orphan with a family experience over the holidays. In public, we weren't supposed to emphasize the orphan status, but to emphasize the cultural exchange part of the orphan program. But in private, our motive was to first, help an orphan and second, see how they fit into our family for possible future adoption. The agency knew this about us and encouraged us in this thinking. They sent us photos of many children they said were orphans. When we narrowed it down to two, the reason we picked Evija is they told us she was a single adoptable orphan~ meaning no parents or siblings and available for international adoption. Yes, our desire was to help a child who had no one.
We knew from the first day we got Evija that something was wrong. Evija talked about her mom, dad, and 6 siblings from the get-go. We called immediately and asked the director of the program about it. She chided us for "arguing with the kids" and said she must be talking about foster parents and foster siblings. The program director insisted they only work with orphans, so Evija had to be one or she wouldn't be in the program. But the tone of the program director didn't sit right with us, so we formally requested information on her legal status from day 2 in the program. We continued to ask about it in every weekly report and always got the same "I don't know. We're checking" answer. **If a program doesn't know, they shouldn't SEND!! But I digress. The bad news comes in a minute.
The truth FINALLY was revealed to us within days of Evija's departure. Lo and behold, Evija was honest and the program was not. She is not an orphan and does indeed still have on going relationships/ visitations with her mother, step dad and 6 siblings. They said care rights have been terminated on her mother(much like our foster system), but that parental rights were still in tact. Evija is not adoptable one bit. She's not an orphan one bit either. Yep. We were totally DUPED. And for those of you out there who may have sympathy for this agency, let me tell you this: THERE IS NO WAY THEY DIDN'T KNOW THIS!! On her last day here, we asked one of the non-involved substitute chaperones to look at Evija's paperwork for us. ***They had to get her biological mom's permission to send her out of the country!!!!!*** THEY KNEW UP FRONT SHE WASN'T AN ORPHAN.
So they 1. lied when they recommended her as an orphan, 2. lied when they sent her to us, 3. lied on day two when we called and 4. lied in every weekly report when they said they didn't know. THEY KNEW!! If you have to get the parent's permission, then you know the child is not an orphan!!! And the paperwork was here the whole time with her passports and medical cards. It took Everita (the chaperone) less than a minute to tell us. Grrr. There I go growling again, but trust me, this is worth a growl.
Don't get me wrong: Evija was a wonderful host child and if we are talking about just the hosting part, then we had a great experience. Evija was trustworthy, helpful and kind. However, we weren't hosting just so a foreign exchange student could have a VERY EXPENSIVE VACATION. We specifically picked an orphans-only (or at least claimed to be an orphans-only) program and we were interested in helping someone who has no one. And getting a chance to see if an orphan would fit into our family for future adoption.
So my apologies to you all that I trusted some very untrustworthy people. And that I passed on untruths b/c I was lied to myself. I'm sorry you were mislead. I'm sorry I was mislead. I'm sorry my husband and children were mislead.
So once again, please pray for our family. We still have a heart to help kids who have no family. We still want to expand our family through adoption some day. We still want to keep our home open to those who need it. It's been an interesting ride over the years with providing care for various kids, for various time frames. We're not done yet, not by a long shot. Pray that God would guide us and direct us and keep us far away from dishonest agencies like Project 143.
Please, Lord, guide us in TRUTH!!!!
First thing is, Travis and I hate lying. In any form. We even have a 100% honesty policy with each other and especially with our kids. This includes no Santa, no Tooth Fairy, and many many other more important matters. Of course, there are times when we've had to say, "I can't answer that right now, but I will when you're older." Both our kids have now had some "when you're older" talks and they know we were telling the truth then, too. I'm not perfect, but I try really hard to be as honest as I can, as much as I can.
So with that being said, I also REALLY hate it when people give me false information and I unknowingly pass it along. For some of you friends/readers, you've been on the receiving end of that for the past few months. Please let me explain: When we looked into hosting, we chose and organization that claimed they only hosted orphans. We signed up to to host over winter break to bless an orphan with a family experience over the holidays. In public, we weren't supposed to emphasize the orphan status, but to emphasize the cultural exchange part of the orphan program. But in private, our motive was to first, help an orphan and second, see how they fit into our family for possible future adoption. The agency knew this about us and encouraged us in this thinking. They sent us photos of many children they said were orphans. When we narrowed it down to two, the reason we picked Evija is they told us she was a single adoptable orphan~ meaning no parents or siblings and available for international adoption. Yes, our desire was to help a child who had no one.
We knew from the first day we got Evija that something was wrong. Evija talked about her mom, dad, and 6 siblings from the get-go. We called immediately and asked the director of the program about it. She chided us for "arguing with the kids" and said she must be talking about foster parents and foster siblings. The program director insisted they only work with orphans, so Evija had to be one or she wouldn't be in the program. But the tone of the program director didn't sit right with us, so we formally requested information on her legal status from day 2 in the program. We continued to ask about it in every weekly report and always got the same "I don't know. We're checking" answer. **If a program doesn't know, they shouldn't SEND!! But I digress. The bad news comes in a minute.
The truth FINALLY was revealed to us within days of Evija's departure. Lo and behold, Evija was honest and the program was not. She is not an orphan and does indeed still have on going relationships/ visitations with her mother, step dad and 6 siblings. They said care rights have been terminated on her mother(much like our foster system), but that parental rights were still in tact. Evija is not adoptable one bit. She's not an orphan one bit either. Yep. We were totally DUPED. And for those of you out there who may have sympathy for this agency, let me tell you this: THERE IS NO WAY THEY DIDN'T KNOW THIS!! On her last day here, we asked one of the non-involved substitute chaperones to look at Evija's paperwork for us. ***They had to get her biological mom's permission to send her out of the country!!!!!*** THEY KNEW UP FRONT SHE WASN'T AN ORPHAN.
So they 1. lied when they recommended her as an orphan, 2. lied when they sent her to us, 3. lied on day two when we called and 4. lied in every weekly report when they said they didn't know. THEY KNEW!! If you have to get the parent's permission, then you know the child is not an orphan!!! And the paperwork was here the whole time with her passports and medical cards. It took Everita (the chaperone) less than a minute to tell us. Grrr. There I go growling again, but trust me, this is worth a growl.
Don't get me wrong: Evija was a wonderful host child and if we are talking about just the hosting part, then we had a great experience. Evija was trustworthy, helpful and kind. However, we weren't hosting just so a foreign exchange student could have a VERY EXPENSIVE VACATION. We specifically picked an orphans-only (or at least claimed to be an orphans-only) program and we were interested in helping someone who has no one. And getting a chance to see if an orphan would fit into our family for future adoption.
So my apologies to you all that I trusted some very untrustworthy people. And that I passed on untruths b/c I was lied to myself. I'm sorry you were mislead. I'm sorry I was mislead. I'm sorry my husband and children were mislead.
So once again, please pray for our family. We still have a heart to help kids who have no family. We still want to expand our family through adoption some day. We still want to keep our home open to those who need it. It's been an interesting ride over the years with providing care for various kids, for various time frames. We're not done yet, not by a long shot. Pray that God would guide us and direct us and keep us far away from dishonest agencies like Project 143.
Please, Lord, guide us in TRUTH!!!!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
A Sling-Shot Diary
Well, this is the final installment of the 'Evija-in-America' chapters in our Lontz Book of Life. She departed for Latvia a week ago. Although we had a slow start, this experience mimicked what I like to call the "sling shot" effect. Most displaced kids who initially pull away from our family don't get to stay there long. They quickly fall prey and succumb to our family's showering of affections and quirkiness. Then it's like they were a sling shot stretched tight that finally was released and BAM! They are ours in a rush! And we get to enjoy them being full throttle IN our family. As a legitimate member of the Brotherhood and Sisterhood of Team Lontz. For a short time. Then they have to leave. :( This is the way it's worked with all our years in foster care and in some more informal settings where we have provided care to those who need it.
I don't mind the first part of the "sling shot" effect, for I have confidence that LOVE WINS and in most cases, we'll see breakthrough in the lives of each child we encounter. There is NOTHING that compares to the joy of witnessing their growth and healing. Nothing can replace the satisfaction of being a part of that process. But it's the last part (the leaving) that I'm weary of tolerating in our lives. I had lunch with a close friend (a full member of Team Lontz) today. He knows me well; so he knows I don't deal well with pesky things like Loss or Closure or....Subtlety. He was asking me how I felt about some recent hard Losses in our lives and I responded with this dainty gem:
"I want to strangle people who say to me: 'It's better to have Loved and Lost than never to have Loved at all'!! Even though it's true, I wish these same people would acknowledge that it's BEST to Love and Keep in a consistent healthy relationship than Love and Lose!!!! Grrr!!!"
(Yes, I actually growled.)
What can I say? I have some pretty good friends who can handle me when I'm raw, honest, and face to face. In that, I'm so incredibly blessed! Also, the oft quoted adage rings true on some level. To those children and adults that I've Loved and Lost~ even though it hurts~ I'm honored I got the chance to Love you once. (and still do.) But, we do our best to be keepers when we can. All 4 of us founding members of Team Lontz absolutely LOVE our broad and very extended family we've been given over the years. We span several states and countries now. Yes, we've gone global!
BUT we all 4 also long for the long term. I really don't know if permanent adoption is in our future, but I know it's a desire of our hearts. Not that I would trade the calling we've had thus far. We love collecting family as we go through this crazy adventure called Life. We want to expand through honorary and permanent means. There's room in our lives to do both: They don't have to be mutually exclusive.
Why? Because we don't divide our love in this family. That's not God's way. We MULTIPLY it so it overflows!!!! Many times over. Amen and amen!
Love and blessings to you this night!
I don't mind the first part of the "sling shot" effect, for I have confidence that LOVE WINS and in most cases, we'll see breakthrough in the lives of each child we encounter. There is NOTHING that compares to the joy of witnessing their growth and healing. Nothing can replace the satisfaction of being a part of that process. But it's the last part (the leaving) that I'm weary of tolerating in our lives. I had lunch with a close friend (a full member of Team Lontz) today. He knows me well; so he knows I don't deal well with pesky things like Loss or Closure or....Subtlety. He was asking me how I felt about some recent hard Losses in our lives and I responded with this dainty gem:
"I want to strangle people who say to me: 'It's better to have Loved and Lost than never to have Loved at all'!! Even though it's true, I wish these same people would acknowledge that it's BEST to Love and Keep in a consistent healthy relationship than Love and Lose!!!! Grrr!!!"
(Yes, I actually growled.)
What can I say? I have some pretty good friends who can handle me when I'm raw, honest, and face to face. In that, I'm so incredibly blessed! Also, the oft quoted adage rings true on some level. To those children and adults that I've Loved and Lost~ even though it hurts~ I'm honored I got the chance to Love you once. (and still do.) But, we do our best to be keepers when we can. All 4 of us founding members of Team Lontz absolutely LOVE our broad and very extended family we've been given over the years. We span several states and countries now. Yes, we've gone global!
BUT we all 4 also long for the long term. I really don't know if permanent adoption is in our future, but I know it's a desire of our hearts. Not that I would trade the calling we've had thus far. We love collecting family as we go through this crazy adventure called Life. We want to expand through honorary and permanent means. There's room in our lives to do both: They don't have to be mutually exclusive.
Why? Because we don't divide our love in this family. That's not God's way. We MULTIPLY it so it overflows!!!! Many times over. Amen and amen!
Love and blessings to you this night!
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